Monday, 3 February 2014

The Hardest Job In The World

We have all done it, we all proberly still do. 
'My job is rubbish, its so hard, its worse, harder, more stressful than yours'
'I'm a Mother my job is the hardest job in the world'

You know what,........................

Your all wrong! The hardest job in the world, its not what you think, I truly believe the hardest job there is is that of a midwife. People think they have lovely, great, miraculous job, and most times I am sure they do. 

But sometimes, they have to experience and help people who are going through the worst times in their life's. Something no one should have to experience, EVER and they have to be there to support you through it, to get you through the worst, most traumatic time in your life and they have to be strong, caring, supportive and help you through it. 

Since Lily died, I have heard and read and researched hundreds of stories, I have heard the most heartbreaking, heart wrenching accounts of peoples babies and the awful care they recieved that it breaks my heart. 

In my case the midwifery, and doctor care I received was outstanding. In a lot of cases a woman whose waters go, or who has a stillbirth, will be in and out of the hospital within a few days, for me it was 3 weeks in and out, extended stays, when I wasn't in hospital, I had appointments every other day so I saw a LOT of the medical team. In fact I must have seen and met 20 midwifes, and you know what, they were AMAZING. The care and compassion we received off 99% of the team was great. I love those midwifes, there are a few who will stay in my heart forever and I like to think I will stay in theirs. 

I can remember different midwifes at different stages, the midwife who on the 3rd night we spent in hospital who went and found a bed for Chris, who had spent 2 nights in a chair, she went and got us another bed and me and Chris were able to sleep side by side for the first time since my waters went. To most people, that's nothing, but to us, who were going through the worst time, it meant I could have Chris led by my side, holding me, which I needed. Her care and compassion still makes me well up. 

The midwife who after a major bleed cleaned me up with such care and dignity, who made me feel so loved, who had a tear in her eye and love in her heart. Who while cleaning me up made me feel so dignified somehow, so loved, she really was a diamond.

The midwife who when I went down to the midwife station just gave me a big cuddle, who gave me support and love and who turned out to be the bereavement midwife, someone who now I hold in the highest regard. Who came to our house a month after Lily died, and went through my notes with us, who cried with us, and who still communicates with me, she sticks in my mind. Her job, that of a bereavement midwife, THAT'S the hardest job in the world. 

The midwife who Chris told me was one of his ex girlfriends sisters, who never let on, yet would have known who Chris was. Who just treated us both so well after we had a major bleed, who showed care and compassion. Who we found out after hadn't long graduated, who treated me so well. Who just somehow seemed to understand what I needed.

The midwife who put support stockings on me on day, who had me in stiches while we were doing it, yet half hour later who held me when I cried, who took time to talk to me and somehow just knew when she could laugh and joke with me and when I needed support because the tears were flowing. 

The midwife who took my bloods on Fern ward regularly, who made me laugh, who recommended books better than 50 Shades of Grey to keep my mind occupied. (I did read them after Lily died and they were good)

The midwife who to start off with I was slightly scared off but by the end loved and respected.

The wonderful midwife who was there in room to deliver Lily, who somehow managed to help us get through the horrific ordeal, who helped me focus when the doctor was trying to deliver Lily. Who then faded into the background so Mum and Chris were right by me when Lily was born, who treated my baby with such care and love.

My amazing community midwife, who once my waters went was amazing, and who after Lily died came and saw me. She was lovely, totally wonderful.

These people, they have the hardest job in the world, they see joy, yes but they see and experience terrible terrible tragedy. I bet they go home and think of it, you cant help a family through that horrendous time and it not affect you. There is no way.

I can remember our bereavement midwife who came to our house, she spent 3 hours with us, that meant the world, she wasn't on a timer, it wasn't a 20 minute appointment, it was however long we needed to talk about our daughter. I said to her I was so grateful for the care I had, for the love and compassion shown to me and that they really did make that shitty time somehow better. She said to me that hearing that, knowing that you helped a family through the death of a baby and that they appreciated it, that meant more than sometimes delivering a healthy live baby.

It wasn't just the midwifes, the doctors too were amazing, ALL the staff were great, I hear lots of stories of bad care, and it breaks my heart to hear, Musgrove Park Hospital are AMAZING, they truly are. The counsellor I still see again is so bloody brillaint and really helps me to try and work through the pain.

These people, these hard working, amazing people, they have the hardest job in the world. They support people going through the hardest time in their lives. A time most of you will never have to go through. They have to go home after a day supporting parents who have lost or are going to lose their baby. 

Now that's the hardest job in the world.

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